Saturday, June 1, 2013

Happy 50th Birthday To Me

Happy 50th Birthday to me! Yes, I will celebrate it...I will brag about it...I will embrace it...and I will be grateful for it!
50 years...And I've seen a lot.
I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was 5. It was a completely personal and private thing that no one but my Savior and I were privy to. And it was a good thing because I would certainly come to need the Hand of Jesus in my life.
A childhood where abuse was present on more occasions than I'd like to remember. 
Adolescence evolved into me hating myself because of the unchecked abuse and the constant bullying I suffered at school.
Teen years led me to rebel and exhibit self destructive habits and eventually a suicide attempt.  Had it not been for a supernatural presence and a quiet voice speaking into my ear, I would not be here today!
The loss of a high school friend.
The most heinous of betrayals by another high school friend. 
Escaping home the only way I knew how.
My first child 2 weeks past my 19th birthday.
Leaving, and then divorcing my abusive 1rst husband a couple of days before my 21rst birthday.
Meeting & falling in love for the very first time a few months later. 
A volatile relationship which ended suddenly and resulted in the loss of my 2nd child and initiated my 2nd suicide attempt. 10 months of playing cat & mouse with the one I loved which ended only with his murder...on the 3rd birthday of my first child & inadvertently led to my having an emotional 'breakdown'. 
More familial abuse followed for the next 2 years, as well as the birth of my 3rd child, 2nd son. It was during this time that Jesus and my faith in God saw me through many a dark and lonely day & night! I surrendered myself to Christ during this time and He saw me through. He eventually led me to my present, REAL husband...My savior in human form!
The next few years produced our daughter, my fourth well as a lot of hell. Marriage wasn't easy...I had my 'baggage' and he had his, plus the familial rumor mill ran rampart...and to this day there are those who still cling to the old lies and bullshit.
I went through major depression. I considered suicide more times than I will admit. But I somehow made it through those years, doing the best I knew how to do with very little support or help from anyone save God.
And then one day, a couple months after my 38th birthday, I became a grandmother! I had been born to be a grandma! I loved that child even before he was born, and after his birth, I was the only person who he ever bonded with. Things were bad in his little life and I found myself in the toughest battle of my life! 
Maybe it was because I had been abused myself...I just don't know...but I knew he was suffering from abuse and I fought harder, louder and without regret or remorse. Sadly, I was right and I gained custody of this child, and later adopted him. 
But it hasn't been without sacrifices. I lost my oldest son because I refused to abandon my grandchild, HIS biological child. I lost my granddaughter, my grandson's half sister because of my son's hatred. 
My life was threatened repeatedly and for 4 solid years we lived in fear. We ended up selling our farm, our beautiful 100 year old house, my lush gardens, my beloved horses and my chickens...just to get away from the constant fear AND the financial stress the attorney fees had placed on us. It was hard on all of us, and I still miss that place and my horses, but the peace & safety we have found truly makes up for all of it.
But my health suffered...I developed high blood pressure, low blood sugar and added a total of 70 pounds! My stress level has been through the roof because my now adopted son can be a handful: Partly because since we sold our farm, my husband has had to work away from home and I suddenly become a 'single parent' due to the necessity of a pay check, and partly because my son suffers from ADD & impulsive behavior caused by a neurological disorder, thanks to his meth addict egg donor.
But somehow I managed to not have a stroke or heart attack, and in the last three months I've lost almost 30 pounds. Also, from about the age of 40 and my premature completion of menopause, the deep depression went away. I learned how to pray scriptures over my life and I learned how to love me, for me. I learned how to speak up and out for myself and those I love. I stopped being so afraid of offending others at the price of my own feelings and beliefs. I learned that I am okay, maybe not everyone's 'cup of tea', but just right for those who know me and love me.
My marriage also improved greatly over the past 12 years, as did my own self image. My husband is now my best friend and partner in all things, not just 'marriage'.
And so, here I am...50 years old. Wife to one man for going on 26 years. Mother to four living children. Grandmother to 4. Friend to just a few, but quality will always be more important to me than quality!
I am loved by some, hated by many, and even feared by a few who have felt my wrath! 
And I am okay with that. I fight for what I believe in. I fight for injustices done to those I love, and I don't give up or give in. 
And I fight for my God, my beliefs, my faith because without those three things, I would not be here now.
I am grateful to God for yet another year gone and another day ahead of me. 
My paternal grandmother died in her sleep 3 months after her 50th birthday. My maternal grandmother died a few months after her 90th birthday. I pray for 40 more years to see my children, my grandchildren and my great grandchildren. But if God gives me just one more day, then I am grateful.
This life has been eventful, to say the least. It has never been easy and rarely without drama, but it is MY life and I've lived it the best I knew how. Despite all of the pain and ugliness I've lived through, it's been a good 50 years...I am BLESSED beyond measure and my cup most certainly runneth over!
Thank you, Jesus, for saving my soul and saving my life. Thank you, Jesus, for giving me what you said you would that night when I was 15 years old and on the brink of death after I had swallowed that bottle of pills. Those children are beautiful, wonderful children, this man has turned out to be the love of my life and these grandkids are truly gifts from Heaven above! 
My hope remains in YOU, Father in Heaven. You are the most wonderful thing that my life has ever experienced!
Happy 50th Birthday to me, Jennifer Diane, born in the afternoon of June 1rst, 1963 at Cleveland Hospital, Cleveland, Texas!

Friday, February 3, 2012

You WILL respect my marriage!

You WILL respect my marriage!

Let's get something PERFECTLY clear so that there will be NO doubt in the future.
I am married. I am happy being married. I have MANY years invested in this union, this covenant, and I do not wish to mess that up, nor will I allow anyone else to, either.
Not only is my husband my Love, he is also my best friend and I share everything with him.
So, please remember this and respect not only my marriage, but my husband and myself...or I will make your life a living nightmare!
That's a promise!

Friday, December 9, 2011


I am allowed to get angry. I am allowed to rant and rave, scream at the top of my lungs and perhaps even throw a thing or two.
I am allowed to spend my anger until I finally find some quiet. In that quiet, I am allowed to pray to God and confess my sins and I am allowed to ask for and recieve forgiveness for those sins.
And then...I am allowed to forgive others and move forward, passing by those things which caused my anger, hoping for a brighter tomorrow and a tomorrow filled with peace and good tidings toward my fellow man and within my own heart.

So, what do you say about someone who gets angry at you because you've done all of the above and have moved past your anger?
Personally I think you wipe the dust of them off of your shoulders, walk away with your head held high and never, ever look back!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Dreams & my Realtor...

Seems pretty wild to most everyone but me...But it is something that I must stop and pnder...
Had my house listed with the realtor since the end of February 2010. I knew when I listed it that it was not going to be an easy sale because it's a single wide manufactured home. But in the two years since we've bought it, I've kicked my own ass (as well as my beloved husband's) cleaning up, fencing and doing a bit of remodeling to the interior. It doesn't hurt that I'm a bit of a neat freak, either. So when people walk in for the first time, their eyes get wide and the first thing they all say is, "WOW!"
I like that. I like that a lot!
But, I am only human and there are times when I let things go a little...clutter fills the table, the bar, and I might not sweep the entire house every day. Sometimes we're tired. Sometimes we're sick. A lot of times we're heading to and from our place in Dryden. And then something strange will happen...From out of no where, I'll suddenly get this strong feeling, "You need to get this house CLEAN and NOW!" And I'll work my butt off to get it spic and span clean...And then, I'll go to bed and during the night I'll have a dream about my realtor, or showing or selling this house. Those dreams won't always be perfectly clear, but I'll know they are about this house. And then, within a few hours after I awaken, I'll get a call from my realtor's office, "I've got someone that wants to see your house today."
Thus far, it's happened ONLY seven times...and the house has only been shown SEVEN times!
It happened again last night and then today, we had a sudden showing.
It's WILD, but I LOVE it!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Low thoughts...

Been looking around this life lately and all I'm seeing are weeds and overgrown fauna. So busy taking care of the minial things, contending with the unfair things, struggling to just keep my head above water and the garden has become overgrown, unkempt, and my reflection is an eyesore to myself.
Doing all I can, yet it either does not matter or does not make a difference in the grand scheme of things.
Some days I want to simply throw in the towel...and then I realize the towel is dirty and I do yet another damned load of laundry.
Other days I would just kind of like to check-out...not permanently, just long enough for some things to change without my being here in front row center to wait it impatiently out.
It's getting harder to get out of bed, though...
My feet used to hit the floor seconds after my eyes opened to the morning sun. But now, I'll lie there for an hour or more hoping that my awakening was part of a bad dream and if I close my eyes real hard and go back to sleep, I'll wake up later to a better day, a better life, a garden that has been set right.
But, it never happens...
At least not yet :~)

Fighting with Children...

I'm really tired of being mad. Anger is such a draining emotion. Seems like I've been fighting for one thing or another, against one injustice or another, my entire life. At some point you'd think that people would just leave me the hell alone because they know I'm not going to back down...BUT, not everyone knows this and so I end up having to fight new idgits over new bullshit.
And as I get older, the idgits get younger! Ain't nothing quiet so disgusting as having to fight with people I consider children...those who are the ages of my own children...It is truly beneath me...But until they can show me some respect and stop treating me as if I am incapable of having even the slightest life within my brain, all I can say is...Here we go again!

Number one rule...Don't threaten me with a f'ing gun or badge!
Number two rule...Don't tell me what to do, especially if you are male and then, especially if you are younger than my oldest child who is 30!
Number three rule...I'm not nearly as simple minded or as timid as I look.
Number four rule...Don't harass, intimidate, patronize, talk down to, lie about or lie to my husband or my children because if you do, I will make sure EVERYBODY knows it! I may appear to be a raving lunatic to some, but not all!
Number five rule...Leave me alone and give me time to cool down and then I'll eventually be over it. I will never trust you again, but I can leave you alone in peace if you can do the same for me. I can maintain civility and I might just be a bigger asset to you than you realize.

My greatest hope is that people will just behave themselves and act in a way that I'd like to believe most people act and behave...Not running roughshod over others, not seeking others to reign superior over, not being a major pain in the asses of good people who truly want to live in peace.
Yeah, a part of me IS naive. Very much so. But then, I have a Holy Bible that kinda commands me to be!

Friday, November 18, 2011

In response to the following:

Game Warden Field Notes

The following items are compiled from recent Texas Parks and Wildlife Department law enforcement reports.

  • Wife bags her first buck…Not! Terrell County Game Wardens Saul Aguilar and Kenneth Stannard entered a hunting camp on Oct. 5 and noticed a tagging violation on a hanging 10-point white-tailed buck. As the wardens talked with the couple staying at the camp, they noted the man’s wife was particularly excited about her first buck. She even offered her license and ID without being asked. After educating the couple on proper tagging requirements, Warden Aguilar decided to take some time to talk with their 9-year-old boy, who seemed intrigued by the wardens. After discussing his favorite superheroes and passion for the outdoors, the boy said he sure wanted to shoot a buck like the one his dad had shot and pointed to the hanging buck. Citations were issued to the couple after the husband admitted to shooting the deer and using his wife’s license to tag it.
My response:
Mr. Cox,

Your 'field notes' are in error in regards to 'Wife bags first buck...NOT!'

I am that WIFE and I have made public what transpired during the course of this 'investigation'. I have sent letters to both the JP of Terrell County, as well as Mr. Carter Smith, Executive Director of TPWD. I have also made these letters public via blogs, Facebook and sent personally to various full time and part time residents of Terrell County.

Aguilar is a rouge, loose cannon game warden, as residents of Terrell County can attest to. The report you released is filled with blatant lies and discrepancies.

#1. I OWN the property these men trespassed onto.

#2. We are building a home there.

#3. The head of the deer was in full view.

#4. The ice chest with the venison was within 4 feet of the head.

#5. My son was NOT intrigued by the game wardens. He was frightened by the way they were treating us.

#6. My son did not seek out Aguilar. Aguilar found him behind the house, after the rest of us had been sequestered without having any rights read.

#7. At NO time did my son EVER say that he hoped to kill a deer just like his dad had. That, Sir, is the biggest of lies! My son does NOT like to hunt, says he NEVER wants to go hunting and hates seeing anything dead.

#8. My son was promised a 'game warden badge' if he said what Aguilar told him to say.

#9. My son does NOT like superheroes and says they are 'stupid'. He says that topic never came up as all Aguilar wanted to know was who shot that deer.

#10. The deer was shot on the morning of November 5th. Aguilar & Stannard arrived shortly before noon on November 6th, 2011. NOT October 5th.

#11. We were not 'educated' on the proper way to fill out tags. I had not hunted in years and had inked in the dates on my tag, failing to read where it said 'Cut out' dates and Stannard was in process of writing me a warning when Aguilar found my son behind our home and initiated his interrogation of the minor child.

#12. My buck was a 9 point. Not a 10 point.

#13. My son is 10, not 9.

#14. I was not overly excited, nor was I 'under' excited. I take medication that holds my nerves in check as in effort to keep my blood pressure down and my heart rate within safe bpm, so any claims that I was 'excited' are laughable!

#15. As both men were surveying the deer head, I retrieved my licenses from my purse inside my home and brought them out for the men to inspect. Perhaps I should have waited and made them ask???

#16. They failed to report that they had threatened both my husband and I with jail in front of our ten year old. (The JP says it is NOT a jailable offense.)They also failed to report how they insulted my husband and myself and how they attempted to pit us against each other, using the coerced words of a ten year old to issue two Class C misdemeanor citations.

And finally,

#16. My husband and I, while under duress, admitted to a wrong so that these pompous jackasses would leave our property.

Perhaps it would look better for the TPWD in the future to get the honest facts, as well as getting them straight, before releasing erroneous information to the public where that information can be tried in the court of public opinion!


Jennifer Chandler
Kingsland and Dryden, Texas
And finally...A response from a Terrell County Resident:
"Actually terroristic threats are a jail-able offense and is a class three felony. Sounds like the JP is shielding from prosecution which is a felony in itself. Also it can be classified as Official Oppression by the game wardens and the JP and can be charged with Official Misconduct. Are you aware that Official Oppression is now a Class three felony? Then there is the new offense of "Tampering with Government Document/Fabricating evidence" Not to mention in Texas a man and wife are considered one. So it doesn't matter who tagged what, since both of you are consider one and the same. The deer was not in transport yet, but still on private property. There was no miranda rights signed (In Texas they have a card that has to be signed proving the miranda rights were given). Shall we go into the interrogating a minor without a parent present. The problem is the bureaucrats and legal officials covering the criminal acts of the Public Servants. I am curious to know what happened to the evidence. I am not a lawyer, but even I can read the penal code. All this should be filed directly with the Grand Jury to include Respondent Superior. Meaning the supervisor to include Carter Smith is responsible for the actions of their employees and can be charged along with them. Are you aware that the JP is guilty of Ex Parte Communication? She cannot speak to you without the prosecutor present. I bet you I could read the Parks & Wildlife code and find more criminal acts. Beside taking the deer without a court order. That is a Bill of Attainer and violates both State & US Constitutions. Did they have a warrant to come onto your property since they did not see a crime take place? Chapter 12 says just to come onto your property to survey animals they have to have written permission of the owners. Remember that Article 1 of the Texas Constitution cannot be violated nor can any code violate it. Being secure on your property is one of those rights and illegal searches without a warrant is a crime. It is more than just a Due Process violation."