Thursday, November 27, 2008

Am I Thankful or Not?

I ask this question of myself because others imply that I am not.
If I make a joke about something, which I do a lot of the time, someone always points out that I should be thankful for such and such, and shouldn't make jokes.
If I have a prayer request from a friend, I'm admonished...I'm told that I should be other words, be thankful for the great things and ignore the bad ones???
If I voice a complaint, a worry, a concern, someone is always quick to point out that I should be thankful.
I know the bible tell us that whatever situation we find ourselves in to be content...and thankful. But, does this mean that I'm not thankful if I make a joke about something to help me laugh when it all seems to unlaughable?
Does it mean that I am not thankful if I voice concerns or complaints about the crappy stuff?

I am thankful that I have a roof over my head and I thank God for allowing us to have this house and property. However, it hasn't been all a "wonderful" gift that is free of strings or without headaches. The house is old and despite numerous updates, it is literally making us ill living here. My grandson and I are allergic to the sycamore trees in our yard, as well as the grass in the yard and pastures. The thick east Texas vegetation is NOT our friend and we stay ill more days than well due to the havoc the pollen & mold spores wreak on our bodies. The house itself is constantly in need of serious maintenance and due to it's size, drafts and high ceilings, our utility bills are as much as the mortgage. Which, by the way, we have two of...mortgages, that is! One to MIL and one to a 2nd mortgage we had to get to make serious repairs. By selling this place, we could pay off MIL, the mortgage company and buy us something in a more arid part of the state. Not only that, we could be far away from the area that my grandson was assaulted in and far away from the people who praise his assailant...My grandson was 18 months to 3 years of age when these terrible things happened to him.
I'm thankful for my kids and my grandkids, that thaey are all well and safe. However, it would be nice to hear from them more often.
I'm thankful for my parents and siblings. However, I'm not too thrilled that my parents, after 46 years of crap, are still playing games with their marriage. I'm not thrilled, either, that my brothers never make any contact with me when I in fact had a serious hand in getting them all raised.
I'm thankful that after battling cancer since 2001, my Dad is still alive and still functioning. However, he's still battling these aggressive skin cancers and is terribly disfigured. His surgeries, laser treatments, etc. will be ongoing until he passes away as there is no cure for him and he has no skin that doesn't have cancer cells. He's on so much expensive medication and living in so much pain, that I can't help but be angry for all he's going through.
I'm thankful that we have food to fill our bellies and clothes to cover our bodies, and I'm thankful that we have many wonderful gadgets and gizmos to make our lives easier and more entertaining. But you know, even with all of that, it still pisses me off when people are rude, thoughtless, inconsiderate and just flat mean to me or my family for no reason other than they feel themselves superior.
And it pisses me off when my own in-laws have still never accepted me after over 21 years because I simply live a simple life and do not care for putting on "aires" or kissing anyone's behind.
It pisses me off that after over 18 months, we have still not sold our property and we are still here in this house and we are still getting ill. And, it pisses me off when someone, anyone, says, "Well, there's a reason." OR, "Well, be thankful you even have a house."
Well, HELL! I KNOW there is a reason! I'm not an idiot.
I AM thankful we have a roof over our heads...I'm just not to thrilled about another "sick" day because I live here!!!
So, Am I Thankful or Not?
I would have to answer "YES" to both!
And, maybe one day I'll have the courage to tell the other people to kiss my ass.

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