November 27, 2009
Much has changed since I was here last and much has changed for the better.
We got a buyer for our house in East Texas back in the latter part of September and by October 21rst, we'd closed. We bought another place in the Texas Hill Country, and though it isn't perfect or nearly as large or quaint as our old place, it is PAID FOR!!! Within a ten day span we had managed to pay off over $100,000. worth of debt...Thank GOD!!!
Anyway, as I said, things aren't perfect and we are still trying to get things settled, but God has been very good and very trustworthy.
Nice things have happened and He has come through on many fronts.
But, on a sad note...My baby boy left today with the destination of Iraq.
I am not happy about this, no matter how old he grows, he is still my baby son and I will always worry, shed my tears and fear for his safety.
I know it is hard as hell on these soldiers as they head off and live harshly in a country that is so foreign to them. I know that they are all struggling and facing things most Americans will never comprehend, nor could they handle it if they could comprehend!
Maybe this is one reason I, as a mother of a soldier, have such great discomfort knowing where my child is headed.
He didn't want my tears.
We're told by their CO's not to show them our tears...to remain upbeat, optimistic and give our soldiers smiles.
Ha! As if I could do that!!!
If I can kick and scream and be willing to beat hell out of anyone who messes with one of mine, then I will damned sure bawl my eyes out when I hug him good-bye at the airport!
What people fail to understand is that this is hard as hell on us back here at home, too. While we aren't putting our lives on the line, we are standing by, unable to do one damned thing, as our son's and daughters, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters ARE putting their lives on the line.
We turn on our televisions or our radios or open a newspaper and we are slapped, almost daily, with a death toll from Iraq or Afghanistan. We are constantly reminded of the injured, both physically and mentally, who are making their ways back to the states to live in our military hospitals until they can learn to function in society or their bed is needed.
And all the while, we wake up every day, hoping and praying our loved one will remain safe and come back home to us walking on his/her own accord and possessiong the same stable mental health he/she left with.
We pray no one in full military dress pays us any kind of visit and that we don't get a phone call from the Red Cross or our loved one's military unit...And as much as we love our soldier, and as much as we long to hear from them, we find blessings and hope when another day passes without any bad news about them.
So, yeah, I'm gonna cry and I'm gonna worry. I am gonna pray and I am gonna hope that God brings my son back home to me safe, whole and unscarred...And then my tears will be of joy and thanksgiving.
God, watch over my child and every other soldier in the world tonight.
Their lives are precious...